Beginnings

There are moments when life feels like an endless hallway of closed doors. A person stands there, hand hovering over the knob, wondering if this time will be different... if the next door will lead to something lighter, something softer, something that finally makes sense.

THE EXHAUSTION OF STARTING OVER

Not enough is said about how exhausting it is to start over. Beginnings are never truly clean or bright. Often, they look like sitting in the rubble of what used to be, deciding which pieces are worth saving. Sometimes, they look like burning through every last shred of energy just to stand up again.

Many people spend years trying to hold themselves together, trying to pretend that the cracks aren’t getting deeper. But no matter how tightly someone wraps their hands around a wound, some aches keep leaking out.

A POEM FOR THE Fragile Start

There is this poem that captures this feeling... a collection of words that becomes a mirror for anyone who has ever wondered whether peace is possible. It often feels like seeing your own thoughts, your own fears, the quiet desperation that you don’t always have the courage to say out loud.

It is shared here because perhaps you will see yourself in it, too.

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"Beginnings

Here we are starting fresh, but I don’t remember what it feels like to feel whole.

How do you fix a hole in your chest? A band-aid? Cold compress?

If a tree falls in the wood, would it make a sound if no one was around
to swing the axe to cut off my head and stop the train of thoughts
to derail the track and divert from the one track mind I have?

Having to go through things that make you strong weakens you,
it’s a catch-22, so what do you do?

The flame. The heat. Licking at my skin to a beat,
a rhythm, a release, the flame consumes me.
I eat the pain or it eats me, a cowardice carnivorous beast
with an insatiable appetite and I’m just a bite
and I’m gone as who I once was goes up in flames.

I’m trying to change, to grow, to tie this all up in a neat tiny bow,
but I’ll never know right and wrong, weak and strong,
a binary that already has complexities and shades of gray
and I just want to be okay.

I can’t keep burning through life this way.
Will it ever stop? There can’t be more shoes that drop.
I need hope that all will be well, that my heart will swell and fill the hole.
I need to accept what I can’t control, the secrets are told.
There’s nothing new to learn or unfold,
I need peace to gather the pieces of my soul
or I will burn until there is nothing left."

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THE FIRE AND THE MESSAGE

These words hold the sting of truth. They reveal how life sometimes becomes a furnace, melting away all the illusions that once seemed necessary to survive. They show how pain can hollow a person out until emptiness feels inevitable.

But perhaps there is something sacred about the burn. Perhaps it is not only destruction... perhaps it is the first step toward becoming someone new.

Pain is so often treated as an enemy to be fought or escaped. Yet, sometimes, pain is simply a message: Something must change.

Maybe the hole in a person’s chest isn’t proof of being broken. Maybe it’s an opening, clearing space for something gentler to arrive. A space where compassion can grow. A space where a heart can finally take up all the room it needs.

It is difficult to believe that better days will come when standing in the fire. But every time someone dares to hope... every time they choose to believe that there is more waiting on the other side... they are proving that the spirit is stronger than anything trying to consume it.

GATHERING COURAGE AGAIN

For anyone reading this who feels tired of the fight, know this: you are not alone. So many have stood in the flames, feeling their old selves slip away, wondering if they would ever feel whole again.

Even without all the answers, one thing is clear: people are allowed to begin as many times as needed.

It is allowed to gather courage in trembling hands.
It is allowed to be unfinished, unsure, and afraid.
It is allowed to want more.

If no one else has said it lately, let these words be a reminder: Peace is deserved. A life that doesn’t feel like an endless test is deserved. A morning will come when the flames have finally cooled into embers, leaving only warmth behind.

So here’s to beginnings that look nothing like anyone planned.
Here’s to the courage it takes to keep showing up.
Here’s to all who are still here, still trying, still hoping.

No one is burning away... everyone is becoming. And that is something beautiful.

Thank you for sitting with my thoughts today. Until next time, stay gentle with yourself and with others.